Sunday, June 04, 2006

Some basic steps in healing

 In the healing process there are some definite steps, which may follow one after another or they may overlap. They are:
a. I admit that I need healing.
b. I own the responsibility for my present behaviour.
c. I strongly desire to be healed.
d. I’m willing to take small or big steps, as needed, to get healed.
e. I change my thoughts and behaviour in such a way that I shift from a victim position to that of a winner.

a. Admit that I need healing

In some types of wounded ness the person will easily admit that he has a problem. Such are phobias, over-dependency, anxiety, excessive fear of others, etc. The reason is that these problems create anxiety in the person. Such problems are called egodystonic, that is, they create a dissonance between what the person feels and would like to feel in reality. There are other problems, which are egodysntonic that is there is no such perceptible dissonance. Examples of such problems are antisocial, passive- aggressive, histrionic, narcissistic, obstinate and some other character disorders. Such too are wounds from cultural and religious conditioning. The antisocial who have no conscience do not feel guilty about what they do. People belonging to high castes cannot see that their hurtful behaviour towards people of low caste is wrong. Whatever may be the problem, all should accept and admit that they need healing.

b. Take responsibility for your behavior

We behave in unhealthy and compulsive ways because of the wounds we received in the battle of life, either as children or later, or again, because we grew up in a particular culture, yet the present behaviour is ours, not of our parents or of a faceless culture.20 If we do not take responsibility for this, that is, admit that we are the ones who behave thus; we will continue to play the game of blaming. Instead of using our energy of changing ourselves, we will waste it.
All those who refuse to change are putting the blame on others and wanting those others to change, instead of taking responsibility for their behaviour.

c. A strong desire to change

Once we recognize our wounded ness and own responsibility for our present unhealthy behaviour, we would or should want to get healed, and want it badly.21
In the counseling sections counselors sometimes pretend not to take the problems of their clients seriously and ask, “But why do you want to stop this behaviour? Is it such a big deal? The strategy is to make the client fight the Counsellor and make the Counsellor see that it is a serious problem and that he/she really wants to get rid of it.

d. I am o.k. and a winner

If we really want to get rid of a habit we will be prepared to do whatever it takes to do it. Basically it means a conscious, persevering and gentle effort to change our negative thoughts and behaviour.22
Wounded ness makes us feel like victims, pawns in the hands of a cruel fate.23 Yelling, aggression, cheating, crying are ultimately irresponsible and futile ways to overcome this victim feeling. Healing takes place when we feel that we are worthwhile and lovable and that we don’t have to get even with others or weep over the past to feel that we are O.K., that we are winners.

e. Awareness heals

This shift from victim to winner position is brought about in ever so many ways. We need to feel that we are O.K. whatever be our drawbacks. It is finally a question of deepening our awareness, which shows to us our goodness. We realize that our games or one-upmanship just make us less and less good. Dropping of the negative thoughts and behaviour brings us back to the authentic self we are, which is basically good.24
So what heals is a deep emotional awareness that the wounded behaviour makes us disgusting to ourselves. We begin to feel that we can be a far better person without that.



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